Five in the morning?

So I’ve got another update. I know how much everyone looks forward to my amazingly interesting updates so here it is.

For starters, I slipped a ring on my girlfriend’s finger Saturday night. She said yes, she called her parents, she called her sister, and then we commenced drinking until we could drink no more. And considering I was still a bit drunk when I just happened to wake up around 6:30, there was no way in hell I was in any shape to throw a leg over a bike, so I relaxed my way into the day.

Apart from the change in my relationship status, I went on a group ride this morning. It’s been a while since my last group ride and I spotted what looked like a decent training ride on the NYCC site last night:

Pace: B17
4 laps in Central Park
Double paceline

Sounds promising, doesn’t it? It sounded promising to me until I rolled to the start and found the ride leader, a pleasant woman with her named printed on two pieces of masking tape stuck to the front and back of her helmet, lecturing one of the riders on how a paceline works.

Now taking the time to explain how a paceline works is all well and good, but how much of a lecture does one really need? Isn’t the best way to get used to riding in a paceline to simply ride in an actual paceline?

Normally, I wouldn’t care so much, but I point all this out as I tragically found myself in the midst of another group of riders who (a) seemed to prefer chatting over riding, and (b) had a tendency to get on my goddam nerves. How does someone get on my nerves? The same way he or she would get on your goddam nerves.

One of the two woman in the group (who shall remain nameless), she had something to say about everything. “See how he’s doing it? That’s the way you ride. Keep your cadence nice and steady. No, no, no. Don’t hit your brakes. You’re doing it wrong. When you pull off, watch the other guy as he pulls off and the two of you should drift back evenly, kind of like a ballet. Hey! Slow it down! Otherwise I’ll get up front and pull.”

And you know what’s ironic? This same woman who had something to say to everyone, who had a million tips on how to ride a bike (even though no one was asking for her help), she was so busy shooting off her goddam mouth she ran right into the back of the guy in front of her and fell over.

Can you believe that crap?

And the pace. We were nowhere near 17 MPH at any point. By the second lap, I checked my computer and saw the average pace was closer to 14 MPH. Don’t take that the wrong way, though. I’m not saying I’m this maniacal speed demon, but if you’re going to advertise a ride with a 17 MPH pace, it’s a bit ridiculous to breeze around the park as if we’ve got all the time in the world.

So as soon as the ride leader asked, “Does everyone know what an interval is? Should we do some intervals?” I clicked up a gear and took off and that was that.

The moral of this story? If you want to train at 5:45 in the morning, do so at your own risk.