Understandably, like many other endurance sports, cycling is difficult. Especially in the northeast where you can never seem to ride far without encountering some sort of hill, be it short or tall, long or not so long. Granted, we don’t exactly have the same mountain passes that they have over in Europe, but then again, we have a lot of things that they don’t: supermarkets, gas sold by the gallon rather than the liter, clean-shaven women (joking), etc.
And because it’s such a difficult sport, because it burns the lungs as well as the legs, the fact of the matter is, cyclists wear their suffering in plain view and often for extended periods of time. I say I find these faces entertaining not because I believe those faces are exaggerated, but rather, the faces themselves can be quite comical. Especially when they’re a bit on the extreme side, or better yet, when they’re not really necessary.
For example, if you’re a fan, you’ve seen plenty of these two faces:
You can tell they’re both suffering and for all the right reasons: they’ve probably just blitzed up a long mountain road at a speed that might test a Vespa’s patience.
You’ve also seen faces like this one.
Again, if you’re a fan, here’s a guy who just turned on the turbo chargers while heading up a hill with something greater than a 15% incline. We’ve all been there (or most of us, anyway). To paraphrase David Anthony, this guy, behind this face, is giving serious thought to selling all his cycling equipment and dropping the sport like a bad habit the second the race ends.
Check out this joker.
My understanding is that the reason Cadel keeps his head cocked to the side the way he does is that it’s somehow related to a collarbone issue.
Whatever. No doubt, you’ve encountered those cyclists who ride head-cocked-to-the-side-at-all-times. Again, I’m sure there are explanations for such a phenomenon, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t look a bit . . . odd.
There’s also this face.
Apparently, this guy spent enough time in the red that he had to stop to catch his breath. We’ve all been there and we all know how much it hurts. Some people have tossed their cookies in such a situation. Myself, I’m not much of a cookie-tosser in these situations.
What about these guys?
Sure, they’re not making any faces at all. They don’t need to make any faces. Their outfits and their shapes seem to indicate that they’re heading out for a ride because they’re more interested in coffee shop pastries than they are in getting those heart rates up anywhere near what would be considered strenuous cardiovascular activity.
Finally, there are two more incidences when cyclists make faces and it’s during these scenarios that I find myself a bit baffled by the picture of suffering such cyclists wear. And again, you’ve seen it, I’ve seen it, we’ve all seen it.
Here’s the scenario. You just reached the Jersey side of the GWB and there’s a group of cyclists just ahead of you who have decided that, after twenty-five minutes of riding, it’s time for a quick break. You know, just to regroup and make sure no one got dropped after leaving the Central Park Boathouse. As you’re taking the right to head toward 9W, there’s a guy leading on his top tube, rearview mirror clipped to his glasses, saddlebag the size of Governor’s Island, and while it’s apparent he stopped pedaling minutes ago, he still looks like this:
You’re not riding anymore! Enough with the face! And if you really do feel the way your face looks, turn yourself around and head back to the city. If a trot over the GWB leaves you feeling like this, Piermont is DEFINITELY out of the question.
And finally, there’s always Mr. I-Can’t-Ride-With-My-Mouth-Closed.
The open mouth, meaning he’s breathing hard, is completely unrelated to heart rate. This guy’s heart rate pegged at 88 but he’s gonna look like he’s closer to 188 as he hits the granny-gear as he spins his way over Cat’s Paw hill at 4 MPH.
And if you don’t believe me, if you think this is all tomfoolery, everything above, grab your bike and head out for a ride on a pleasant morning. Look closely enough and you’ll see the many faces of cyclists.
