Anything But The Tour

Since I’m about two days behind on Tour coverage, I don’t want to talk about that just now. Even if I was up to speed on the Tour, I don’t think any of you actually listen to anything I have to say regarding the professional scene anyway, so with that, here’s the other update.

Despite any of my previous rhetoric, I stepped up and joined a racing team. Team NYVelocity.

Yes, yes, very exciting news, I know. Actually, it’s not all that exciting at all . . . well, I’m lying. To be brutally honest, I was a bit excited when one of the team owners emailed me to the extend of, “Just got some new team kits in so come on down and grab one before they’re gone.”

So now I wear a team kit 99% of the time whenever I throw a leg over my bike. This is what it looks like.



Not bad, right? I do appreciate the color scheme with the white and blues. Nothing glaringly overt such as the orange of Euskatel-Euskadi (even though I have admitted in the past to admiring those orange jerseys).

And this is the first time I’ve ever worn bib shorts. Picco swears by them and I have to say they’re not all that bad.

Further, now that I’ve joined the team--which is a Category 4 & 5 developmental team, by the way--I have a training program I have to follow. It’s been somewhat counter-intuitive as the time I’m spending on the bike has increased significantly but at a considerably lower pace. Whereas I used to spend between 2-3 hours on the bike during the week (excluding weekends) at an average heart rate around 160 with some intervals tossed in, I’m not spending between 6-7 hours on the bike per week but riding at what they call an endurance pace where I’m supposed to keep my heart rate between 129 and 141. Compared to 160, a heart rate of 135 is all but a walk in the park.

How did they draw together the training program? After joining the team, I was subjected to a lactate threshold test at Cadence Cycling & Multisport Center. Essentially, they set up my bike on a trainer, had me warm-up for 10 minutes, explained I needed to keep my cadence at 100 or higher, and then set the resistance at 150 watts. After two minutes of that, they pricked my finger for a drop of blood, measured my level of lactic acid, asked my Rate of Perceived Exertion (RPE) on a scale of 1 through 10 (with 10 being the hardest), and then increased resistance to 170 watts two minutes later.

So every four minutes, resistance increased by 20 watts and they drew a drop of blood to determine the amount of lactic acid in my blood. I lasted until either 270 watts or 290 watts when my RPE hit 8 or 9 and that was it, the test ended.

That’s how my training zones were developed which I then printed and taped to my stem. Like I said, very exciting.

More of the Tour

I’m almost aggravated Cadel Evans is wearing the yellow jersey in the Tour. Actually, I am aggravated he’s in the lead and I say that as the leader of the longest and hardest bike race in the world should sound a bit more like a man and a bit less like an eleven-year-old girl.

Has anybody caught a sound bite of the Aussie with the face shaped like a poached egg? His girly voice ranks right up there with the likes of Mike Tyson and Mike Richter. I mean, if you’re going to win a race, you could at least try to sound a bit more like Stefan Schumacher. Despite my Kraut-bashing post, that guy has a voice that could make the most frigid, middle-aged feminist cream her jeans.

(Not long ago I caught a quick, post-stage interview with Cadel Evans and when the interviewer asked, “Is this a new Cadel Evans we’re seeing,” Evans responded with that godawful girly voice and said, “No, it’s the old Cadel coming back.”

Who the fuck talks like that?)

Furthermore, has Cadel Evans ever attacked on a slope with a gradient steeper than 2.3%? When was the last time you ever heard Phil Liggett or Paul Sherwen say, “And there goes Cadel Evans, attacking up the slopes of the Hautacam?” That’s right. You’ve never heard either of the two Brits say anything even remotely close to that, so how is that little weasel wheel-sucked his way into a yellow jersey?

Pathetic.

Speaking of pathetic, there’s Saunier Duval. Until yesterday afternoon, I was a few days behind in catching up on the Tour coverage on TV. Of course, I had heard about Ricco. I had also heard that Saunier Duval pulled out of the Tour. And then I watched on TV as two other Saunier Duval riders pulled a 1-2 finish on a mountain stage.

Is anybody else connecting the dots on why Saunier Duval pulled out of the race?

First, Ricco is busted for EPO (a new form of EPO called CERA). Then two of his teammates rip up the field on a mountain stage. And then the team withdraws.

If these guys weren’t doping their riders, I’ll be dipped in shit. I’m sure they at least knew about it and rather than risk the negative publicity in the event two more of their riders were busted, why not just withdraw the entire team instead?

It’s probably for the best, though. Not only does it seem that the Saunier Duval riders are doped to the gills, but they are some of the ugliest motherfuckers. Have you taken a good look at Piepoli? Mother of god, that man looks like Gargamel in a team kit.

Italian Riccardo Ricco positive for EPO at Tour

I knew it!

That was one of the few things I forgot to drop in my last post regarding the Tour update.

Here's this kid, Riccardo Ricco. How old is he? 24? And he's winning hilly stages and mountain stages in the Giro and the Tour? And he's reaching the finishing line looking like he's barely breathing hard?

Are you f#cking kidding me?

What I'm failing to understand is the actual EPO. I get how it works but don't the riders realize there are tests that detect EPO? Or have the tests evolved so that they're getting past whatever the riders use to mask the EPO?

Whatever. Regardless. Glad they busted that punk. I never really liked him anyway.

Le Tour and the Cookie Monster

So there’s a lot going on. The Tour started last Saturday, there’s apparently no clear leader just yet (unless you consider Kim Kirchen a contender for the overall which would be something of a mistake), and somehow, Stefan Schumacher won the first individual time trial.

Where the hell did that come from? What in the world did Schumacher snort or inject to pull a performance like that out of his ass? What was also interesting is that Phil Liggett made a post-race note that Johan Bruyneel had tipped his hat to Schumacher to win the first time trial and what that tells me is that Bruyneel probably sold Schumacher whatever it was that he either injected or snorted to go as fast as he did.

But hey, maybe I’m just being a cynic. But I don’t think so. Schumacher beat Cancellara? I’d tip my hat to drugs. Lots of drugs.

Speaking of drugs, Mr. Manuel My-Doctor-Forgot-To-Tell-Me-There’s-A-New-Test-That-Can-Detect-EPO Beltran just got tagged for EPO use and they’re saying he’s the fourth of Armstrong’s previous teammates who’s been busted for drug use. And one of Armstrong’s frozen B urine samples from 1999 (or 2000) tested positive for EPO once they finally had a test that could detect EPO. And there’s a lot of circumstantial evidence that Lance was doping his entire career, so why in the world can someone believe Lance won clean?

Did I say that?

You know what was nice about watching the media coverage regarding Beltran? All the Versus boys completely tore him apart. Phil Liggett, Paul Sherwen, Bob Roll, and Craig Hummer all did nothing other than rake the jackass over the coals with some rather harsh words for typically boring-ass commentators.

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Right now it’s Sunday night. Spent the weekend in Connecticut meeting/visiting with the fiancée’s family and when we returned home this evening, I caught up with yesterday’s TdF stage (handily DVR’d for my viewing pleasure) and watched as Mark Cavendish completely destroyed the field for the sprint to the line.

God almighty, that boy is freakishly fast. Can you imagine how much fun it must be to say to strangers, “Hey. Buddy. Give me a flat road and I am the fastest bike rider on the face of the earth?” I mean, the guy gives new meaning to the term, “Ride it like you stole it.” Imagine if that kid was a bike thief?

Still, if the kid ever fails a drug test, I’ll personally break both of his goddam legs. I don’t care if he picks up a Tom Boonen-like coke problem, but if we find out he’d been taking anything illegal to boost those incredible performance’s of his, I’ll kill him.

Speaking of sprinters, it’s starting to look like Robbie McEwen’s age is catching up with him (and I only say that from a spectator’s point of view as the guy would make me look like a little girl if I ever tried to bring it in his presence). Not only has the Aussie not won a sprint, but judging from the replays, it doesn’t seem like he’s been anywhere even near the front when Cavendish has been running all over everybody.

That’s all I’ve got for now. While I do have some interesting personal news related to cycling (thank god) and a new picture to share, it’s late and I’ve gotta get some rest but check back soon for another update.