Name That Quote

Let’s play Name That Quote, meaning take a guess who said the following:

“God forbid anything happened to my wife, I think I’d get myself a little [derogatory term used in reference to a homosexual man]: someone to cook and clean around the house and, if he ever left, what the f*ck would I care?”

Do I even have to put a name to the quote? I think for most of you, the answer to that question is obvious, yet I titled this updated Name That Quote not just for that single quote, but to shed some light into what it’s like riding with some of the crew from the Staten Island Bicycling Association. And I’m not talking about the guys who show up every once in a while who aren’t really associated with the club. I’m talking about the guys who are there week after week and have been there week after week for years upon years.

Anyway, Name That Quote is a fun game to play, especially after a long yet terrific four-hour ride that both started and ended in Cheesequake on this beautiful morning (the kind of morning that reminds you just how sweet life can be when you’re with friends doing something you want to be doing under a perfect blue sky) with a small, select group. While the wind did pick up at certain times, I was only privy to snatches of conversation here and there, but I got enough to develop a sense of the overall tone. For example, here’s another one that references a wife:

“. . . it’s the psychological torture that drives me crazy. I’d actually prefer it if she just punched me in the face.”

Someone replied, “It’d be quicker.”

Ten minutes later I heard this one:

“So last night I’m sitting on the couch watching TV when my wife says, ‘We never go on dates any more.’ I’m sitting there thinking, ‘We’ve been married thirty-four years--why the hell would we go on a date?’ so I said to her, ‘Where we going with this?’”

And then there are the references to marriage as it relates to cycling.

“Every Saturday night my wife asks me, ‘You’re going riding tomorrow?’ as if it’s some sort of surprise. We’ve been living together for X-number of years and I’ve got the bike in the living room, the bike stand in the basement, the bike magazines on the coffee table, the jerseys in the closet, and I’m sitting there watching a bike race on TV. What the hell am I hiding?”

This is why I never spend money on comedy clubs. Sure, it cost me a couple bucks in gas to get from Pleasantville to Staten Island (or Cheesequake), but that’s not just gas money. It’s not even the comic value. At the end of the day, it’s terrific material for this, the blog in addition to comic value. I mean, who wouldn’t want to ride with these guys? I can tell you it’s not like that up here in Westchester. Speaking of which, what I should do is invite the SIBA crew to join one of the Westchester Cycling Club group rides so the guys up here can see just how interesting a 50-mile ride can be, hills and all.