To All of THEM

I went for a ride last night and some punk yelled something at me from the backseat of a shitty car with tinted windows. The kid didn’t even have the cojones to open the window and show his face while he was yelling at me. I didn’t catch the first part of what he said, but I definitely caught the end which include the word assh*le.

At the time, it aggravated me to no end. I yelled back, of course, inviting this particular punk, as well as his three friends, to step out of the car and say it again, but you know how these things work. Everybody, and I mean everybody, is so tough when they’re sitting in a ton of metal yelling at someone twice their size on a bicycle. I’ve only been riding a little over a year, although I’m yet to find myself in a situation in which one of my invites to stop the car is actually heeded and the driver actually steps out. Says a lot, doesn’t it?

Regardless, I want to take a moment to address all the teenage jackasses who have cute things to say from behind tinted windows. I want to address all the middle-aged and elderly drivers out there (women, mostly, but who wants to be labeled sexist?) who don’t even realize they’ve just come about three inches from killing me as they whiz by at fifty miles-per-hour. (And it’s the fact that they don’t even realize what they’ve done that gets my goose.) I want to say something to all those people who race a few feet ahead of me so they don’t have to slow down as they make that right-hand turn without a blinker, cutting three feet in front of me. I also have a few words for those people who feel it’s necessary to honk when they’re behind me, as if leaning on the horn is going to scare me into the curb just so they can pass and get to the shopping mall nine seconds faster than they would if they had waited for me. What are these choice words I have for all these morons?

Fuck you! Fuck you very much!