Red Blooded

The other day, I passed off a few comments about certain professional cyclists and how, in my opinion, said cyclists are major dopers. While I will always believe, in my opinion, that said cyclists have synthetically enhanced their athletic performances, I was thinking about a story I recently read regarding Lance Armstrong while I was showering the other day (which is when I normally think of guys who shave their legs and wear tight shorts--when I’m naked and wet . . . ugh, gross).

Anyway, I forgot if this particular story took place during the 2003 or 2004 Tour de France, but the account is rather heroic which is why it seems to have wedged itself in my memory. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, although I’ll recant it here in case you haven’t.

During one of the Tour’s premier mountain stage, Floyd Landis, riding for US Postal, had paced and pulled his captain, Lance Armstrong, up the final climbs. By this point late in the stage, there were only two other riders who had managed to keep pace: Jan Ullrich and his teammate, Andreas Kloden. (Now that I’m writing it, this must have been the 2004 Tour.) Having done an excellent job and most likely feeling not so much threatened by either of the T-Mobile riders, Armstrong asked his domestique, “How bad do you want to win a stage in the Tour de France, Floyd?”

“Real bad,” Floyd said.

“How fast can you ride downhill?”

“Real fast.”

Pulling up next to his teammate, Lance patted Floyd on the back and said, “Ride like you stole something, Floyd.”

With the proverbial nod from his boss, Landis was off and began racing down the hill toward the stage’s finish.

Seeing this, Ullrich decided to chase down Landis, which absolutely infuriated Armstrong. Why chase a guy who isn’t a threat to win the race? Why chase after a guy who’s ranked way back within the General Classification?

Once Ullrich took off, so did Armstrong and Kloden. Eventually, they reeled in Landis with only a few kilometers to go. Unfortunately, having done the pulling for his captain all afternoon, Landis had little left in the gas tank to sprint away for the win and allowed the T-Mobile riders to creep up.

So what happened? When Kloden took off next to make an attempt to win the stage, Armstrong simply wasn’t having it and sprinted over the finish line first, which, in my opinion, was a fantastic move--a move that reminds me of that old saying, “You mess with me, you mess with my whole family!” In this situation, it would be the reverse--“Mess with my family and you mess with me,”--although it feels the same, doesn’t it?

Within this story, another subplot exists: the Americans versus the Germans. For Ullrich and Kloden to chase Landis was a huge mistake in that it only managed to piss off the champ, the same guy who made Ullrich look ridiculous so many years past. How dumb do you have to be to realize chasing down one of Armstrong’s teammates--again, one who was nowhere near a threat to win the overall--is only going to serve the purpose of upsetting Armstrong? And what’s that old adage about the Texan? The only way to beat Armstrong is not to make him mad. Beating Armstrong makes him mad. Here’s a guy who will pedal until he dies if he wants to prove a point, and you go and mess with his family?

Excuse my French, but Jan Ullrich must be one dumb f#ck.

Aside from the German’s stupidity, I like the story as it seems to speak to the champ’s athletic character (doping or not). As much as Armstrong’s teammates have sacrificed selflessly for the greater good (at least it appears that way as an outsider looking in), Armstrong went the distance during that stage not for personal glory, but rather as a matter of sticking up for his people by sending the message, If my boy doesn’t get it, you sure as hell ain’t getting it either.

That’s good work, in my opinion.