Read Between the Lines

One tends to hear a fair amount of unexpected comments when riding a bicycle with a group. For example:

“You know, if I had killed my wife after our honeymoon, I’d be getting out of jail right about now. Maybe even sooner.”

Take a guess who tossed out that one recently. Further, considering I’m only thirty-three (a spring chicken compared to some of my middle-aged compatriots), there are a fair amount of jokes which seem to be old-hat to a lot of these guys yet are fresh to my ears.

“The three biggest lies in the world? The check’s in the mail, I won’t come in your mouth, and I’ll respect you in the morning.”

I almost choked on my bagel the first time I heard that one.

This gem came just the other day right as we were leaving the bagel shop discussing attractive women:

“Most of the lesbos I know look like Dalton.”

That one received a big round of applause from the few of us who both (a) had the day off, and (b) decided to brave the frigid weather.

Apart from the one-liners, one of the better qualities a person can have in this world is the ability to roll with a joke and I don’t believe I’ve ever met anyone who can do it better than Mr. Dalton. I give you these examples:

While trying to keep up with Anne and Brent on the hill-climbing ride a few weeks ago, we were flying downhill and quickly approaching a T in the road ahead when Anne turned and announced, “Make a left up here.” She then peered over my shoulder at Mr. Dalton behind me and added, “You go straight, Ed.”

Ed’s response? “Okay! See you at the bottom.”

Or another time while repairing a flat on the side of Fr. Capodanno Boulevard. Some jackass in a SUV (there’s a lot to be said about jackasses and SUVs, although I’ll keep those particular comments to myself) held down his horn as he passed for no reason whatsoever other than the fact that he was a complete and utter jackass.

“F#cking Staten Island as$hole,” Ed commented.

“Friend of yours?” Joe asked.

“Probably,” Ed said.

See what I mean about rolling with the joke? It’s a true talent.