More of the Tour

I’m almost aggravated Cadel Evans is wearing the yellow jersey in the Tour. Actually, I am aggravated he’s in the lead and I say that as the leader of the longest and hardest bike race in the world should sound a bit more like a man and a bit less like an eleven-year-old girl.

Has anybody caught a sound bite of the Aussie with the face shaped like a poached egg? His girly voice ranks right up there with the likes of Mike Tyson and Mike Richter. I mean, if you’re going to win a race, you could at least try to sound a bit more like Stefan Schumacher. Despite my Kraut-bashing post, that guy has a voice that could make the most frigid, middle-aged feminist cream her jeans.

(Not long ago I caught a quick, post-stage interview with Cadel Evans and when the interviewer asked, “Is this a new Cadel Evans we’re seeing,” Evans responded with that godawful girly voice and said, “No, it’s the old Cadel coming back.”

Who the fuck talks like that?)

Furthermore, has Cadel Evans ever attacked on a slope with a gradient steeper than 2.3%? When was the last time you ever heard Phil Liggett or Paul Sherwen say, “And there goes Cadel Evans, attacking up the slopes of the Hautacam?” That’s right. You’ve never heard either of the two Brits say anything even remotely close to that, so how is that little weasel wheel-sucked his way into a yellow jersey?

Pathetic.

Speaking of pathetic, there’s Saunier Duval. Until yesterday afternoon, I was a few days behind in catching up on the Tour coverage on TV. Of course, I had heard about Ricco. I had also heard that Saunier Duval pulled out of the Tour. And then I watched on TV as two other Saunier Duval riders pulled a 1-2 finish on a mountain stage.

Is anybody else connecting the dots on why Saunier Duval pulled out of the race?

First, Ricco is busted for EPO (a new form of EPO called CERA). Then two of his teammates rip up the field on a mountain stage. And then the team withdraws.

If these guys weren’t doping their riders, I’ll be dipped in shit. I’m sure they at least knew about it and rather than risk the negative publicity in the event two more of their riders were busted, why not just withdraw the entire team instead?

It’s probably for the best, though. Not only does it seem that the Saunier Duval riders are doped to the gills, but they are some of the ugliest motherfuckers. Have you taken a good look at Piepoli? Mother of god, that man looks like Gargamel in a team kit.